composing

so i guess on monday we're going to the embassy in slovakia to apply for our visas. it's silly how they make you go out of the country just to do that. i dunno. i'm not a big fan of all these laws. it's going to cost a lot of money. somewhere between 800-1,000 dollars for all of this. the rules are strict, and there is a lot of paperwork involved. i just hope it all goes through without problems.


i am getting a bit homesick. i miss my family a ton and friends as well. i miss driving a car... and knowing where to find exactly what i need. i'm adjusting, don't get me wrong, but it's only natural at this point. it has been almost 3 months since i've been gone, and if i had the money to go to florida for a visit, i would, but i'm pretty sure when i buy a ticket to the united states- it'll be 'cause i'm moving back to the united states. there's no constant in my mind right now. i'm finding it extremely difficult to stay/live in the moment. i know it's important, but all i keep thinking about is what's next for me. what state?


i was talking with my brother iam earlier and said i am here to gain some experience outside of the box. i really mean that. i gotta stick with it, stick it out, adapt. i'm in europe and i know not everyone gets that kind of opportunity... or you do and you don't realize how crazy you are to pass it up! i am so glad i took this leap and i am here with who i am with.


listening to my boyfriend serenade himself on the guitar is rather distracting(in a good way), and i think it may be time to finish mad men season 4. it is just too good.


g'nite :)

at a loss

hobbies. i need one. i want to say the truth. which is... i never try to succeed brilliantly at something. i'm not sure why i give up or just stop at a certain point, but it's getting to me.

i  love taking pictures. i had a couple photography classes in highschool. i loved the whole natural process. i told myself i'd continue using a manual camera and developing my own photos, but did i do it? no. i searched delray beach for a darkroom, found one, and never did anything about it.

my mom bought me a guitar for my 8th grade graduation. a pretty little ibanez acoustic. i might've taken a couple lessons? wait did i? no. i might've used the vhs tape that came with it. the guy with long hair, using his soft voice to talk about chords. his cat sitting behind him only distracted me. it ended up just being a decoration in my house. it sat underneath my spiral staircase in baltimore for four years. (after having it sit in my bedroom in florida for 4 years prior to that.) it got played more by my friends than by me. by far!

i took reading more seriously starting in highschool. i read some kerouac, cummings, and of course murakami. however, my memory is shot. in the moment i enjoy it, but it's sad that during intellectual conversations about authors, i can never contribute. "yeah, i liked that...." is usually all i can say. i had a dry point for a bit, but i've picked up a few books recently such as on relationships  by krishna murti, the book of laughter and forgetting by milan kundera, and now i'm reading another by him called the unbearable lightness of being that i'll hopefully finish today. i have quite a few more in line. my mind needs to continue this, even if it takes me some time to get back into the habit of reading rather than fb-ing. you can imagine.

i kinda want to stop there. if i don't there would be an endless amount of paragraphs about crocheting, massage, and my passion for american sign language even though i know nothing about it.

one day i will be an interpreter.

i'll figure out my niche.

for now, i'll stick to listening to music... and pretending to be a "teacher".

i adore this website! 


p.s. it is freezing in our bedroom. i think there are leaks in the windows. i wish i knew how to turn the heat on... and our hot water broke. so showering has dwindled down. hot tea is my savior for my cold blooded hands.  i had to ask matt to wash my hair yesterday. we had to fill the kettle atleast 5 times to get all the shampoo and conditioner out. i don't want my scalp to freeze so it's the only way...

p.p.s. oh yeah and apparently scenes for mission impossible 4 are being filmed around the corner(literally a block away) from our flat. tom cruise is here.